Wake Up

Maybe it's that I'm naturally goal-oriented, but lately I've felt suffocated by my schedule. I work at least 40 hours a week, of course, but in the evenings and on the weekends, I write for other publications, run several miles and read a certain amount of magazines, newspapers, fiction novels and consume other media- there is a lot of NPR to listen to, it turns out.

As much as I enjoy my job and enjoy having the time to stay on top of my reading and current events, I am still an artist. I need those nights of staying up late to write a song, or just staying up late so that everyday isn't exactly the same.

Alarm clocks should be helpful suggestions, not dictators.

A friend of mine recently returned from South Korea and brought along a refreshing perspective- let it go. Allow for things to happen. Stop trying so hard, and things, all the important things will happen.

So lately, I've given myself leeway. I sit and color, yes, coloring books. I've returned to some of the stress-relievers I formed during my time at Ouachita- coloring, charcoal, playing piano frequently, listening to music intensely.

This weekend, I rolled up my sleeves and did several large, poster-board-sized finger paintings and did some sewing by hand (see green pillow above), and for once it was just nice to be. To feel as if I had woken up from the foggy haze of routine and consciously thought about how I was spending my time.

I believe in black holes. I believe that as the universe empties into nothingness, past and future will smack together in the last swirl around the drain. Cutting For Stone, Abraham Verghese

These are some of the moments that things come together for me- when a past version of me catches up with my present self and hopefully, I'm more balanced because of it, made better by it.